


Utopia

by Arctic_comet



Series: Phillip/Anne, canon-compliant fics [3]
Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arctic_comet/pseuds/Arctic_comet
Summary: Anne and Phillip at the hospital and beyond.
Relationships: Phillip Carlyle/Anne Wheeler
Series: Phillip/Anne, canon-compliant fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808473
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

_ What if Phillip didn’t wake up at all?  _ The doctors had told Barnum- not her, of course- that aside from cleaning and wrapping his burns, there was nothing else to be done except wait and hope.

She’d do anything to ward off death from his bedside, but she wasn’t stupid. His burns were bad. 

About to burst into tears, she sung quietly

_ What if we rewrite the stars? _

_ Say you were made to be mine _

_ Nothing could keep us apart _

_ You'd be the one I was meant to find _

She’d refused to take his affections seriously despite her heart telling her it was all real, because that was the only way to justify not being with him. Believing him also meant believing and accepting she was throwing away something irreplaceable.

Only an idiot would do what he’d done, but people did do things like that for love. Yeah. Phillip loved her, and although she’d tried to forget about how she felt about him, she loved him, too. 

For her, life had been about the bare necessities for a very long time. Food, a roof over her head, something to wear and her brother. And for a very long time those things had been all she needed. Until Phillip had walked into her life. Cute white boys weren’t bare necessities for someone like her, but something she couldn’t afford. 

He was so kind, smart, loyal and made her laugh. She loved watching him with Caroline and Helen Barnum.

She didn’t want him to die for her, but if she’d had any doubts about what she meant to him, they were now gone. 

Her entire world had changed in just one night, but it wasn’t the first time her and W.D. had lost their home and jobs. Therefore she already knew all of that was survivable, maybe they could even be rebuilt. All of that felt meaningless now as she sat by Phillip. He couldn’t be rebuilt or replaced. She couldn’t believe he would leave her like this. Not by choice, but bad luck. Like her mama, who had lived with her lung disease for a while, all the while pretending it was nothing. Coughing, sweating, exhausted. Then Anne had started seeing blood on her mama’s tissues. 

Both of them had just one life, and his had almost ended. She could be just a little bit braver for him. W.D wouldn’t like this, not because he didn’t like Phillip, but because he’d always been the one to protect her and things like this were what he wanted to spare her from. Voluntary trouble, not worth it. 

There were too many white men to whom women like her were disposable. Gently stroking his thumb with hers, she felt the warmth she now associated with thinking about Phillip or being around him overtake her again. He wasn’t like those men, as much as she’d wanted to believe he could never possess the courage and the will to be with her. 

For hours she sat beside him, her concern growing by the minute when he showed no signs of improvement. People stared at her as she cried silently, but what did that matter now? If he wasn’t going to come back to her, she sure as hell wouldn’t let him die alone either. 

“Anne?” It was W.D.

“What?”

“No change then?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Her brother sighed, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You need to eat and sleep, I can sit with him-“

“No, I need to be here. What if he dies while I’m gone?”

“He’s really out of it. I don’t think he knows you’re here, and it won’t matter if-“

“You don’t know that!” She sobbed, her voice booming in the otherwise silent room. He was probably right, but she wanted to believe otherwise, that she had the power to keep him on this earth. 

Her brother took a step back from her, surprised by her angry outburst. “I really am sorry, Anne. I didn’t want this to happen to him.”

“What are you sorry for? If he dies, you’ll never have to bother yourself with my stupid fantasies about a white boy ever again,” she hissed. Anne knew she was being unfair, as her brother was far from cruel. 

“Believe it or not, he’s kind of grown on me. Like little brothers do, even if they’re white. By the time I realized you weren’t with us, he was already running back in for you. I hope he wakes up, and that he turns out to be all the things you think he is,” he answered, wrapping an arm around her. “Because I think this time the risk could be worth the voluntary trouble.” This was a lot coming from W.D., and made her cry harder. It would mean so much to have her brother in their corner. All Phillip had to do was wake up. 

“I don’t want him to die alone,” she whispered softly. Being this helpless made her desperate, and being with him was the one thing she could control, as long as the hospital staff didn’t throw her out. W.D.  _ had  _ to see that. 

“I wouldn’t let that happen,” her brother said softly. 

”He no longer has a family.”

”We’re here, aren’t we? That’s got to count for something.”

Wiping her eyes, she nodded. “Yeah, but I’m still not leaving, so you can keep those thoughts to yourself.”

She’d wanted to believe his parents would rush to be by his side when they heard- surely they already knew- but there had been no sign of them. It wasn’t that she was looking forward to seeing them again, but rather it made her ache for him. He was their only child, and they’d cut him off because he hadn’t lived his life the way they wanted him to. She shouldn’t even be aware of this, but she’d fished out a letter he’d tried to burn. Some of the words had no longer been legible, but she’d heard the message loud and clear: Phillip’s behavior had been  _ unbecoming and unsuited for a man of his position,  _ and therefore his father deemed him a disgrace. She didn’t know what he’d told his parents that night at the theater, but she knew she was the reason for that letter. 

Anne’s own father had decided she wasn’t good enough to be his child without ever seeing her or knowing what became of her, while Phillip, who had time and time again proven himself to be a good man, still wasn’t enough for either one of his parents. Her mama would’ve liked Phillip, she was sure of that. Oh, how she missed her. 

“W.D.?” She asked, her tone uncertain. Talking about certain things with W.D. was always a little uncomfortable. Anything that could remind him of her father was sure to make him cut their talk short.

”Yeah?”

”What do you think mama would’ve thought?”

”About you and him?”

”Yeah.”

”She always believed in love,” replied her brother quietly. “Even after everything... So I think she would’ve liked him too much for my taste, anyway.”

Anne smiled. “I think so too.”

”Just keep praying, Anne. I’ll pray, too, and so will the others. We won’t let him go without a fight.”

”Thank you.”

”Will you be all right here on your own?”

She nodded. “I will.”

”We’ll be in the bar. If you need me or anything at all, just let me know.”

At some point, a nurse offered her a chair. The woman said nothing, probably scared how her colleagues would react to this act of compassion, but Anne was grateful regardless. She didn’t want to risk accidentally falling asleep on Phillip and hurting him. 

What felt like hours later, the hand she was holding moved, the fingers flexing and tightening around hers. Her heart racing, she moved her eyes to his face, and saw what she’d been praying for: his eyes were open, not entirely, but at least a little. 

“You’re here…” he rasped. 

Not knowing what to say to him, she stood up and stepped closer to him, placing her palms on his cheeks. By the time she realized everyone in the entire ward could see what she was doing, it was already too late. She was kissing him, and although she could tell how weak he still was, his hand was in her hair, his lips moving against hers. It was her first kiss since she was a teenager, and it was everything. Again and again she touched his lips with hers, each bit of contact wiping away her worry. 

***

_ Anne was alive. _ That was his first thought as he woke up to find her holding his hand. There was no part in his body that didn’t currently hurt, but there was no way he would push her away. This was their first kiss, and probably the last one, too. He wasn’t going to miss out. 

It didn’t take long before she pulled away from him slightly, her eyes darting around them.  _ Right.  _ There must’ve been other people in the room. As he tried to draw in a deep breath, the pain searing through his lungs made him wince. 

Anne’s hand was still holding his, but he loosened his own grip on her. He was barely alive, but the world hadn’t changed. Despite the immense comfort Anne’s presence brought him, he knew it wasn’t right. She didn’t owe him, and he should deal with this himself. After all, it had been  _ his _ decision to rush into the burning building.  _ And what if waking up didn’t even mean he would survive? _ If the feeling in his lungs was an inkling of his impending death, it wouldn’t be pretty. Anne didn’t have to see any of that. 

“It’s all right…” he mumbled.

“What’s all right?”

“You can go… I’ll be fine.”

Anne frowned. “Do you want me to go?” She asked, her voice so desolate that he immediately squeezed her hand.

“God, no.” He never wanted her to leave. 

“I’ve been so scared, thinking  _ you _ would leave  _ me _ ,” she whispered. “I love you, and I’m sorry I almost didn’t get to tell you that.”

Seeing the tears in her eyes, he hated himself for what he’d put her through. At the same time, his heart was singing at her words. Keeping his eyes open and focused on her was a struggle, but he fought hard. She had to hear this right now. 

“I never thought you’d say that… I love you, too. Obviously,” he replied, cracking a smile.

“I know. You ran into a burning building for me. That was very foolish of you, and I’m so mad at you for doing that,” she told him gravely. 

“So can I expect a punishment for that later?” He asked.

“You should.”

He smiled a little. “I didn’t want to live in a world where you didn’t exist, even though you weren’t with me and we were barely even talking.” Now he was practically sobbing, all the pain and exhaustion and relief taking their toll on him. 

Anne’s fingers brushed over his cheeks, wiping the tears away, although as far as he was concerned, it should be the other way around. “Get some rest.”

He could’ve stared at Anne for hours, but ended up closing his eyes when she sat back down and started threading her fingers through his hair. 

“Don’t stop… Please,” he pleaded. 

“I promise.”

There was so much pain, but focusing on her touch made it easier to tolerate. Somehow he even drifted off, Anne’s hand on his chest and the scent of her hair in his nose.

***

“Is he really going to be okay, Mommy?” Asked a concerned young girl’s voice.  _ Helen? _

“Yes, he is. He was awake earlier, girls, but he needs a lot of rest before he’ll be back to himself,” explained Charity Barnum’s patient voice.

He still couldn’t open his eyes, but he didn’t mind listening to the girls and Charity.  _ Where was Anne? Had he dreamed her?  _

“Can we eat the chocolate if he doesn’t want it?” Asked Caroline.

Charity laughed. “How about you two wait until he wakes up and then ask him?”

Gathering his strength, Phillip forced his eyes open and focused on Charity’s face. 

“Anne?” He asked, so weakly that he wasn’t sure if she could make out the word.

“She left to eat and rest. It’s good to see you awake,” she told him with a smile, patting his bandaged hand gently. Although he tried to smile, it came out as a grimace. He already missed Anne and there was no telling what her leaving meant. It wasn’t that he didn’t remember her earlier words of love to him, but people said and did many things they later took back when they recovered from their shock. He must’ve scared her to death.

“Phillip! We thought you were dead!” Exclaimed Caroline, throwing her arms around him. He winced at the contact, but wrapped an arm around the girl as best as he could. 

“You won’t be getting rid of me that easily,” he promised. 

“Daddy brought you out of the fire,” said Helen.  _ Barnum had saved him? _ Suddenly he felt guilty. Despite his frustrations with the man, he had a really great family to look after and who needed him. He would’ve never asked Barnum or anyone else to come after him. 

“Is your dad all right?” He asked, wanting to confirm that nobody was dead because of him. 

The girls nodded. “He said he’ll come see you later.”

“How- what about the circus?” The question was directed at Charity. He had to know if any of it was salvageable, or if they could rebuild. 

The blonde shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s all gone.”

“Gone,” he repeated. 

“You should focus on getting better. There will be time for you to worry about the circus later,” she said, but there was something in her tight-lipped smile that told him something else was wrong. 

He couldn’t believe it was all  _ gone _ . And Barnum himself coming back from the tour early didn’t exactly feel like a good omen, either. He wondered how much worse things would get. The correct answer was likely _ a lot _ . 

Harsh whispers from the other side of the room attracted the attention of the girls and Charity, and even Phillip himself turned to look. A nurse was blocking the door from someone, and as the nurse moved, he saw Anne. 

“Anne?” He called out to her, but neither woman heard him, instead the nurse kept hissing at her, most likely telling her to leave. With a groan, he dragged himself up to a seating position. Or he tried to, until Charity’s hand landed on his shoulder. Despite feeling a bit stronger after this last nap, trying to get up still made him dizzy.

“I’ll deal with this,” Promised Charity, standing up. 

***

_ Stupid stupid stupid. _ She shouldn’t have left, because now the new nurse who hadn’t seen her before wasn’t letting her back in. 

“There is nobody for you to see here,” said the nurse, determined to block her way to Phillip.

“Yes, there is,” she settled on saying, although lies like  _ my husband is here _ or something similar could work better, even if only to confuse the woman and give her a chance to push her aside and get to Phillip. 

“What’s the problem here?” Asked a friendly voice, and Mrs. Barnum suddenly stood behind the nurse, giving Anne an encouraging nod. 

“Nothing, Mrs. Barnum. This-  _ girl _ \- insists she has someone here to see, but obviously-“ started the nurse, only to be cut off by Charity Barnum.

“This is Anne Wheeler. She’s Mr. Carlyle’s fiancée,” lied the woman effortlessly. Anne’s cheeks grew heated. 

The nurse was struck silent by the claim, staring at Anne, as if challenging her to confirm it.

“Yes, that’s right. Thank you for coming to clear up the confusion, Mrs. Barnum. Now, will you please excuse me and move aside so I can see my- my fiancé?” She replied, her voice shaking just a tad. She should’ve been a better liar.

The shocked nurse took half a step out of her way, and that was all she needed, hurrying back to his bedside, followed by Mrs. Barnum. Anne couldn’t remember ever being so grateful for her presence before, although she’d always thought Charity Barnum to be a kind soul.

Phillip was propped up with pillows behind his back, his eyes open, surrounded by Barnum’s daughters. 

“Is there any space for me here?” She joked, winking at the girls.

Blushing, Helen jumped off the bed and joined her sister on Phillip’s other side.

“Come on girls, let’s go have some lunch and leave Anne and Phillip alone,” said Charity.

“So they can kiss?” Asked Caroline.

“Caroline!” Charity laughed, the scold half-hearted.

“What about the chocolate?” Asked Helen.

“We’ll leave the box for Anne and Phillip, you’ve already had chocolate today.”

“Mommy, if he’s with Anne, does it mean  _ I _ can’t marry him when I grow up?” Helen’s loud whisper echoed throughout the vast room to both Anne’s and Phillip’s ears. It felt good to laugh again, and even better to see him doing the same thing.

“Yes, Helen, I believe it does,” replied Charity.

“He’s too old for you anyway, Helen,” interjected Caroline.

“She’s got a point there, you know. I’m practically ancient,” chuckled Phillip. 

“I think you’re still rather serviceable,” Anne returned.

“You came back,” he said, guilt flooding her gut again at his words. “I- I didn’t know if you would. And it would’ve been all right if you’d decided not to.”

_ No, it wouldn’t have. _

“I don’t have anywhere else to be,” she replied, only afterward realizing that it had come out all wrong.

“Charity told me about the circus… I’m so sorry you lost your home,” he said quietly. “You, your brother and anyone else you can fit in, can stay at my place. There’s only one bed, and a couch, but it’s safe and warm. The key should be in my pocket, let me take it out for-” 

“No, it’s fine,” she assured him, taking his hand in hers. “Barnum’s making arrangements right now. And being homeless isn’t what I meant.”

“All right.”

“I mean that I don’t  _ want _ to be anywhere else.”

Her heart leapt at his sweet grin. “Really?” He asked.

“Yes. God, I just lied to the nurse that I was your fiancée,” she confessed sheepishly, fully expecting him to laugh off the idea as ridiculous. He did no such thing, but his eyes widened in amusement and wonder.

“You did?” 

“It was Mrs. Barnum who made it up, but I followed her lead.”

“You know, it doesn’t have to be a lie. One day, I mean… If you’ll have me,” he offered, his last words weaker, uncertain.

“You- you want to marry me?” She stammered. For so long she hadn’t dared to dream of anything really, but now he was saying all these things that should’ve been impossible. 

“I’ve heard that’s the respectable and proper thing to do when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them,” he quipped lightly, but his voice wavered at the end. In another time she would’ve taken it as his uncertainty about his own future desires, but now she knew better. He wasn’t sure if  _ she’d _ have him. 

There was no question of that, she could even picture it. Wearing a beautiful white dress and standing at an altar beside Phillip, promising to love him forever. The ache for that dream to come true and the knowledge that there were so many reasons it shouldn’t was so acute for her that a tear slipped down her face.

“A marriage that’d be illegal in many states,” she murmured.

“It’d be valid in all civilized places, to God and to us. Doesn’t that matter?”

She chuckled, unable to believe they were even talking about this. “It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

“Perhaps.”

“What else have you thought about?” She asked, now curious about all the other things Phillip had dreamed for them. 

“Everything,” he claimed. “For example, right now I think it’s about time for you to kiss me again.”

“I want details, Mr. Carlyle. Tell me,” she prompted, although she couldn’t disagree with him about the kiss. The room was conveniently empty from nurses and doctors and the other patients seemed to be asleep. Not that she really cared anymore, but it was always nicer to not have to worry about angry hisses or flat out insults thrown at you.

“Come here,” he pleaded, pulling on her hand. 

Smiling, she leaned in until their foreheads were touching. 

“I’ve thought about our children, about setting us up with a nice home. Nothing too fancy, but safe and comfortable. I’ve thought about us growing old together, watching our grandchildren grow up,” he recited quietly. All of this terrified her, not because she didn’t want it, but because of all the suffering even trying these things would bring. And yet she found herself in awe of him and the strength of his love for her. How could she possibly say no to any of this? 

“Oh, Phillip,” she sighed, bringing her palms to his face again. “Part of me says you must’ve been knocked in the head real hard when you were in that burning building and that I’ve got to be losing my mind, but… I want all that, too. I want us to have a home together, and children…” All of this sounded so wonderful and yet made her feel selfish. If she were someone else, it would’ve been so simple, but her life had never been that. And yet more than anything else in this world, she wanted to believe in these dreams of his that had actually been hers as well for months now. 

“Then I consider myself the luckiest man in the world,” he murmured, finally closing the distance between their lips. It had taken her a fraction of a second to decide that he was a great kisser when she’d kissed him earlier, and this time was no different. He was still weak, but even in that state, his kiss and touch made her believe they could have all those things he’d already imagined for them. Once he was restored to his full strength, she’d have to work on staying conscious when he touched her. 

“I love you,” he whispered between kisses, never letting her get too far from his reach.

”I love you too. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the circus, but all that matters is that you’ll be fine. Everything else can be fixed later.”

”And we’ll be together. That’s important.”

”That too.”

A man cleared his throat behind her, bringing their time alone to a close.

***

Phillip was hardly grateful for the rather rude interruption. A man carrying a chart had stopped at the foot of his bed and was giving him a cordial smile.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Carlyle?” He asked, eyeing Anne and their entwined hands as if he was looking at a particularly large pile of horse manure. Anger rose in Phillip, making him wonder if he could insist on another doctor.

“I feel like I’ve been in a fire, Doctor. And in case you’re wondering, she’s not going anywhere,” he added, unwilling to bend to the will of another hate-filled man.

The doctor’s eyes widened, his smile transforming into an even less genuine one. “Very well. I would like to listen to your lungs now.”

“Go ahead.”

With some effort and help from Anne, he leaned forward to allow the doctor to press the cold stethoscope into his back. 

“Please take a deep breath for me, Mr. Carlyle.”

As he drew in a breath as instructed, something rose to his throat, forcing him to cough. God, he sounded bad. And the cough tasted even worse. It was like he’d inhaled the entire fire. Eventually the fit subsided, but every single breath he took burned his throat and lungs. His eyes were watering so bad that he could barely see.

Looking at Anne’s face, he tried to stay calm. She looked terrified, so he squeezed her hand even as he was unable to assure her with his words.

***

“You’ve got a long way ahead of you, Mr. Carlyle,” reassured the doctor. I suggest you start by trying to drink some water. You should feel better eventually.”

Could it be that simple? Phillip’s cough sounded awful, and made him seem like he couldn’t breathe. Her hand shaking, she poured water into the cup placed on his table.

“Here,” she said, holding the cup to his lips. “You should take some water.” 

He wrinkled his nose. “It’s going to taste like soot, just like everything else,” he sighed. 

“It’ll help rinse down the smoke you inhaled. Come on,” she beckoned, sighing in relief when his hand covered hers to support the cup and he began sipping the water carefully. 

“You need to stay here at least until tomorrow morning, and even after that you need to have your bandages regularly changed.”

“I can do that,” she piped in, the strength of her voice surprising even herself. Phillip was not alone, and she would never again let him feel like that was the case. 

The doctor said nothing despite clearly having heard her, instead choosing to address Phillip. “If you can arrange the change of the dressings on your own-“

“She told you she’d do it. Now, look Miss Wheeler in the eye and tell her when someone’s going to instruct her on how to do it.” 

The doctor swallowed awkwardly, not having expected Phillip to get so aggressive.

“Mr. Carlyle, this is highly inappropriate-“

“What’s inappropriate is your behavior, Doctor. I will not let you disrespect her. If you can’t comply with that demand, feel free to send in another doctor.”

Anne watched as the doctor considered his options. Her heart was beating so hard she was sure everyone in the room could hear it. This was exactly the kind of a situation that made her want to run and hide from the world, but Phillip had a death grip on her hand, reminding her why she had to be strong and stay where she was. 

“All right then,” the doctor spoke again, the words coming through gritted teeth, as if someone was holding him at gunpoint. The eyes boring into hers were cold and grey like a foggy day, carrying with them none of the warmth and appreciation of Phillip’s blue eyes when they regarded her.  _ To this man, she was scum. How did hatred like that grow in a person?  _ “Miss, a nurse will be around later to change the dressings and she will instruct you how to do it on your own.” 

She nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Now I ask that you stop disturbing us, Doctor.” 

When the man had turned his back on them and moved on to the next patient, Anne could finally breathe freely again.

“Are you all right?” He asked.

She nodded. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for what he said.”

“You’re not to blame for his actions. Let’s talk about something else, like food. Do you want to taste the chocolate the Barnums brought you?”

***

Despite having absolutely no appetite, he nodded. “I can try one.” He would do anything not to disappoint those little girls, including make himself eat sweets he probably couldn’t stomach in his condition. 

Anne opened the box and held out a truffle. It wasn’t until she moved closer that he realized she was going to feed it to him. 

“You can try it first,” he suggested.

“You think the Barnums are trying to poison you?” She joked.

“No, I want to share food with you.”

The blush on her cheeks was cute, making him want to reach out and bring her close enough for another kiss. At that stage, he’d lost count of exactly how many of those gentle pecks they’d shared. For now that was the most he could manage in his condition, but soon enough he would have to struggle with some of his less than appropriate thoughts of her. 

“Well, all right,” she replied, tentatively taking a bite from the chocolate. “Strawberry,” she announced, offering him the other half. 

The chocolate didn’t taste half as bad as he’d thought, but sharing it with Anne was the best part, especially when her fingers touched his lips and he had an excuse to grab them and hold them in place. 

When he saw her brother appear at her shoulder, his first instinct was to drop her hand, but he resisted at the last second. He wasn’t going to hide what Anne meant to him, not from anyone, and that included her brother. 

***

Anne smiled as Phillip squeezed her hand instead of dropping it, her brother’s presence no longer a concern. She really should’ve told Phillip all about what W.D. had said before, but other things had felt more pressing. 

“I’m glad you’re recovering,” said W.D, addressing Phillip directly. 

“Thank you.”

“But the real reason I came here was because I found something in the rubble that I think belongs to you.”

“What is it?”

The notebook was stained with black, the edges of its pages burned, but she would’ve recognized it anywhere.

“It’s my play,” he exclaimed in surprise, accepting it from W.D.

“I hope you can finish it now,” said her brother, his eyes meeting Phillip’s blue ones. She looked between the two men, pride and joy and excitement filling her. These were the only two people she truly trusted in this world. As long as she had them, everything would be all right.

“I’m sure I can now,” he replied, nodding at W.D as he offered his hand for W.D. to shake. 

“You’re not so bad, Mr. Car-  _ Phillip _ . For a white man, anyway,” joked W.D., eliciting a laugh from him. “But you do punch like a ten-year-old girl, and we’ve got to something about that if you’re going to protect my sister. Are you in?”

Phillip laughed again. “I’d love to take some lessons from you.”

“Good man. See you both soon.”

Anne quickly embraced her brother, whispering a thank you into his ear. 

She could hardly believe the play hadn’t burnt along with the rest of the circus. It was like those stories she’d heard about the church being the only thing left standing in a burned city. Phillip had put their love on paper in a simple notebook, and somehow it had been spared. Did it matter whether it was a coincidence or a miracle? Her mother would’ve called it the latter and said that there was magic in love. 

“Why do you think it didn’t burn?” She asked, eyeing Phillip as he held the play.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was magic?” He joked, shooting her a wink. 

“I read that play, by the way,” she confessed. 

“I know, I saw your fingerprint on the title page. Does that also mean you came into the office and touched me?”

“Yeah. You knew I was there?”

“I always kind of thought I’d imagined it.”

“You didn’t. I’m sorry I stole your play.”

“I would’ve let you read it, you only had to ask. What did you think?”

“I think you’re a good writer.”

“I wrote it for you,” he admitted.

“I thought you might have.”

“Do you think your brother read it too?”

“He must have.”

“I do kind of wish he hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“There’s a scene, right before the very last one- that I haven’t even written yet- where they kiss on the stage, with all the spotlights of the show on them.”

“Oh.” That must’ve been a new scene, but she liked the idea.  _ Could they make that happen one day? _

“Because those people in the audience can cheer at them or think they’re an abomination or criminals, but at the end of the day they have each other and that’s what matters. They can’t stop love.”

She smiled at him. “That sounds great. I’d like to read it later.”

“By all means, my love. Anytime you want,” he said, brushing the back of her hand with his lips.

The endearment made her cheeks heat up. Coming from his mouth, it felt like a prayer. 

“Do you mind if I call you that?” He asked, seeing her awkwardness.

“No, I like it. Nobody’s ever called me that before. I’m not used to hearing it.”

“Unless you expressly forbid me, I’m going to do it again.”

“That’s what I’m counting on," she sighed, leaning in to kiss him again.


	2. Chapter 2

Anne let out a frustrated sigh as she scrubbed at Phillip’s face over and over again. The soapy washcloth just wasn’t enough, the grime still refusing to come off, giving him an unhealthy, haggard appearance. 

“Hey, you can stop it,” he told her gently, placing his hand on hers.

“It won’t come off,” she said quietly. 

“It will eventually.”

“I don’t want to scrub your skin raw.”

“You can put the washcloth away, Anne. There’s something I have to tell you,” he said guiltily.

“What is it?” She asked, wondering if it could truly be anything _that_ bad. 

“10 percent of the circus is… Or _was_ , mine. And although it certainly can’t make up for the losses, that ten percent isn’t gone. I saved it,” he admitted. 

“And you want to use it on the circus now?”

He nodded. “I do.”

“Oh, Phillip,” she whispered, kissing the hand that still held hers.

“I always thought this tour with Jenny Lind was a risky affair, so I… I took the money.”

“Which Barnum had promised you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re _smart_ ,” she replied. “And now you’re willing to use your money to save something you’re not even responsible for.”

“But I feel like I am. I love the circus, and I still want to work there. This feels like the right thing to do, the same way as loving you feels right.”

Climbing onto the bed, she threw her arms around him and buried her face into his shoulder. 

“You make me so proud,” she weeped, her tears wettening his shirt. 

“I always want to make you proud,” he exhaled, his hands rubbing up and down her back. She couldn’t believe that after all this, Phillip was going to save the day for everyone, not only for her. 

“I’m not hurting you, am I?” She asked, suddenly realizing she might be squeezing him too hard. 

“No, and I wouldn’t care even if you were. Holding you is better for the pain than anything they’ve given me here.”

Stifling a yawn, Anne moved to look at him in the eye. 

“You should get some sleep. The offer to go to my apartment still stands,” he said, having noticed her yawn.

“I don’t-“

“I’ll be here waiting for you in the morning. Please, Anne. You need sleep.”

She sighed. “Fine. What do you think your neighbors will think though, seeing me there?” She had to ask.

“I’m the man who ran off to join the circus and they still talk to me. One of them, Mrs. Zarkowski, always asks when I’m going to settle down with a nice young woman. She’s even offered to set me up with a granddaughter- or it may have been a great-niece,” he replied, grinning.

Anne arched a brow. “Well, I doubt I’m what she’s expecting.”

“She already thinks I’m eccentric.”

“She’ll probably think I’m your _maid._ ”

“Then we’ll rectify that assumption as soon as possible. Trust me.”

“All right,” she relented. She _was_ tired after all, and getting to see where Phillip lived was rather tempting. “If you don’t mind, I’ll bring you some clothes in the morning for when you’re ready to leave.”

“That sounds good. I almost forgot I don’t really have anything to wear when I leave,” he muttered. 

“Any skeletons in your closet I should know about, Mr. Carlyle?” She joked. 

Beaming at her, Phillip pulled her into a kiss. “You’re welcome to look for them, but in all seriousness, there’s nothing to find,” he swore. 

“I didn’t think there would be. You are a deceptively good person,” she assured him. 

“Deceptively?”

She shrugged. “Men like you don’t tend to be kind or loyal or wonderful in many other ways.”

He smirked. “Really? Tell me more about those other ways.” 

“I don’t think I will. You see, you could become too happy with yourself.”

“That’s not possible, there are plenty of people who like to remind me of my flaws.”

“And what would those flaws be?”

He pretended to think. “Let’s see… I should smile more, I punch like a girl, and apparently I am also stupid because I ran into a burning building.”

“Well, all of those things _are_ true, although I would say that as a woman I certainly take offense to what W.D. claimed about your abilities. The only reason I think what you did was stupid is that I very much prefer you to be alive.”

“I know. I really am sorry I scared you, but I would do it again if I thought you were trapped in there.”

“I know you would, and it scares me.”

“Hey, look at me,” he pleaded, framing her face with his palms. She obeyed, finding his gaze serious and sincere. “I’m not going anywhere,” he continued. 

“You’d better not.”

“Now let’s find that key for you.”

She had been too upset earlier to pay attention to what the nurses had done with his personal artefacts, so it took a while to locate the keys. Someone had tucked them into a box underneath his bed.

“Is this the right one?” She asked, holding up the nicest looking of the keys.

Phillip nodded. “That’s the one. I haven’t slept there in… Weeks, I think, so there’s bound to be a lot of dust, but make yourself at home. You can sleep in the bed.”

“Thank you. I’ll be here first thing tomorrow morning, before you wake up.”

“Get as much sleep as you need, I’m really not going anywhere, my love.”

***

As Anne closed and locked the door of Phillip’s apartment behind her, she felt like a criminal. Although the entire neighborhood was far from the most affluent ones in the city, it was still a place where she didn’t belong. Phillip had been right about her not running into any problems, though, but she certainly suspected the people she’d seen believed her to be _the help_ and accepted her as that, but nothing more. 

She busied herself with the fresh groceries, unpacking them in the pantry. The familiar chore calmed her nerves enough for her curiosity to return. _This was where Phillip lived._ He may not have spent much time there recently, but it was his apartment and there had to be things she could learn about him, even if there was nothing sinister to be found.

It was hard not to wonder if he’d entertained other women there. It was silly of course, since she didn’t doubt how much he loved her, but still, she couldn’t bear the thought of him with another woman. 

Wanting to distract herself, she stepped into the kitchen and opened the cupboards. There wasn’t even a crumble of bread anywhere to be found, so it was a good thing she’d thought to bring some food with her. A layer of dust covered all surfaces, underlining how little time he must have spent there recently. 

There were bottles of whiskey, but they were all either fully or nearly empty. She discovered no new bottles. During all the time she had spent in Phillip’s presence, he had not been unpleasant even when drunk, as many men decidedly were, but the habit was one she hoped he could overcome. Addiction could lead to terrible things she’d seen enough of during her childhood, and the idea of the same happening to him was unfathomable. 

As she reached the bedroom, she stopped at the door. The room in front of her was just as neat as the rest of the apartment, and mostly just as impersonal. Her eyes were caught by two books on the small table beside his bed. 

_Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave_

_My Bondage and My Freedom_

Running her fingers on the covers, she wished she could ask him about the books now. He clearly _wanted_ to understand. _Did it matter if it was because of her?_ She wondered when he’d first acquired the books. 

On top of the desk lay an unfinished letter. She tried not to pry, but it was proven to be impossible when the first words she spied were _Dear Anne._ Soon after picking up the letter, she realized it had been written months ago.   
  


_Seeing you always makes my day infinitely better.  
_

Smiling at his words, she placed the letter back on the desk. Hopefully he would finish it for her one day. 

The closet stored his clothes, the suits and shirts arranged in perfect order. She took her time selecting one for him to use the following day, the act feeling somehow intimate. She had never picked out clothes for a man before. All the materials felt expensive, even luxurious at her hands. He would look good in any of them. Eventually she settled on a suit, and then added a shirt, a hat, a pair of gloves and a bow tie to the pile. After some hesitation she grabbed underwear for him as well. 

After washing her face quickly, she removed her clothes and stood over the bed. She could always choose to relocate to the couch in the other room, but the bed looked inviting. As she ran her hands down the duvet and gingerly pulled the covers down to slip between them, she concluded that it was softer than any she’d ever slept in, and the pillows still held the faint scent of Phillip. Inhaling it, she could almost imagine he was there with her. She _wished_ he were there with her. It would be entirely improper, but Anne no longer wanted to live with her brother. For all her life, W.D. had kept her company, consoled her and protected her, but things were different now. There may not have been a law in New York stopping her from legally marrying Phillip, but even so, it could prove an impossible feat to achieve, not to mention the many problems a recorded marriage could bring. 

This might be the only way she could have the man she loved and live with him. Letting the neighbors think he was bedding his maid if they chose to. She knew Phillip wasn’t about to live like that without a fight, but her long-learned skepticism was rearing its head and making a convincing argument for her not to trust that the sun would always shine on them. Or _ever,_ even if Phillip was very likely the most romantic man on the eastern seaboard. However it was going to be, she wanted to wake up with him beside her, flashing her that smile of his that he used to give out so sparingly before. And she didn’t want that future to start in six months or a year, but as soon as he was no longer required to stay at the hospital. 

***

There truly was nothing left but ash, even Anne’s precious hoop was now an unusable piece of debris. It was devastating. Gathering all her resolve, she forced herself to believe there was still a chance. They would find a way to rebuild with the money Phillip had, whether Barnum himself would be a part of it or not. When the man swore he’d do anything to make things right again, she figured he’d made a rather convincing argument for forgiveness. He’d rescued Phillip, for starters, and everyone had a place to sleep, thanks to him. Yet she knew things had to change. There couldn’t be a ringmaster who would run off with whatever new attraction he happened to find and desert them. 

As soon as Barnum agreed to take Phillip’s money and give him half of the show, the man was back to himself. _Enthusiastic and somewhat reckless._ The good thing was that he was no longer beaten, and had already run off in search of a carriage to take him to the docks. Today was turning out to be a good one for all of them, thought Anne to herself.

”I should go with him, just to make sure he doesn’t get any crazy ideas,” Phillip sighed, even as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close.

“As long as you look after yourself. They did tell you to rest,” she reminded him. He was in good spirits, but not back to himself yet.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it,” he promised, leaning closer with a question in his eyes. Grinning at him, she answered him with a kiss. 

“I’ll be in the bar.”

“See you soon.” With a last smile and a kiss on her knuckles, he was gone, rushing after Barnum. 

Anne sighed. So much had happened, and now letting Phillip out of her sight made her feel uneasy. 

“That’s love, all right,” sighed Lettie, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Suddenly there’s so much to consider,” she replied. 

“And more to lose, but also so much to gain. You found yourself a good man, Anne.”

“I know.”

“You should be proud of him for what he did today for all of us.”

“I am. So proud,” she admitted. She was still getting used to her new reality, which included loving Phillip Carlyle more every single day. 

“Come on, let’s get inside, and you can tell me all about what he said when he realized you were with him at the hospital.”

Chuckling, Anne followed her friend inside.

***

“Should I drop you off at your apartment, Phillip? You look like you need to lie down,” worried Barnum, eyeing him warily. His concern made Phillip realize he must look like a man returned from the dead. He hadn’t thought it was that bad even as his strength had waned over the course of the day and walking- _or more like sprinting_ \- around with Barnum. 

Still, he shook his head. “No, I need to see Anne.”

The older man grinned. “When are you going to make it official?” 

“It’s probably a little early for that, especially since it will probably be quite difficult to find someone who would even agree to marry us, but I’d marry her tomorrow if it was possible and what she wanted,” Phillip chuckled darkly. 

“I know, as does everyone else with a pair of eyes on them. I think the two of you are going to be very happy together.”

“Thank you, I think so too.”

“Just keep your eyes on what truly matters to you and you can’t go wrong.”

Phillip nodded, grinning. “That’s exactly what I’m planning on.”

“Charity told me about your parents. I’m sorry to hear they couldn’t accept Anne”

Shrugging, Phillip turned to look outside the window of the carriage. “It doesn’t matter. They don’t matter, not anymore anyway. I’m happy, and if they can’t accept her, then there’s nothing for us to discuss.” After the letter from his father, there weren’t any financial issues to be discussed either. He would make his own fortune and work as hard as needed to support his family. Barnum’s family had made it, why wouldn’t his? 

“Did they at least come to the hospital to see you?”

“No, and I’m glad they didn’t. My father in particular would have tried to harass Anne.”

Barnum nodded. “Grandchildren seem to be a good way to soften disapproving parents,” he noted. 

“I highly doubt that will be the case here.” He would never stand having his children go through what Anne had faced from his parents. 

“Never say never. Children seem to hold a special power over grandparents. It’s like they forget the blood of someone they can’t stand runs through their veins.”

“I don’t understand how anyone could possibly resist Helen and Caroline. You and Charity have raised them well.”

“Thank you, but I really can’t take much credit for it. It’s all Charity.”

“I don’t think I’ve truly thanked you for saving my life yet. You risked your life to save mine, although you had so much to lose.”

“While you risked yours because you thought the only person you had to lose was in danger.”

“Touché.”

“You’re part of my family, Phillip. I know Charity agrees with that, and the girls adore you. Now Anne’s part of the family, too. You’re not alone, no matter what your parents say.”

“I think I’d rather belong to this family, anyway.”

Patting Phillip’s shoulder, Barnum opened the door as the carriage came to a stop. They both stepped out and Phillip rushed inside, itching to see his beloved. As hard as he tried to appear normal, he was tired and weak after spending the day with Barnum. He would make sure she got to the temporary lodging with her brother all right, and then he would go home. The empty and entirely Anne-less apartment had never felt less inviting, but it _was_ his, and currently there was no office to sleep in. It was going to take at least two months to restart their shows, and they didn’t have the means to pay the performers until then. They would likely find other work in the meantime. He and Barnum would be busy trying to get everything up and running as soon as possible. After tonight, he wasn’t sure when he would get to see her again. And yet he knew this was the noble thing to do, to leave her with time and space to think after the events of the last couple of days. People shouldn’t be held accountable for promises made at one’s presumed deathbed, although he’d certainly meant every word. They had all been inside of him for months, after all. Even the dilemma of where and if he could find a man of faith to marry them. 

As he spotted Anne, she was sitting on one of the stools, facing Lettie as they both laughed at something. Lettie noticed him first, tapping Anne on the shoulder. She turned to face him and smiled, sliding to the floor. Returning her smile, he thought she’d never looked happier than right then and there. Hauling himself up onto a vacant seat between Charles and W.D., he waited for her to join him. She did, stopping right in front of him. 

“Hi. How did it go?” she inquired, placing a hand on his, on top of the counter. _God, how he wanted to kiss her._ Instead he threaded his fingers through hers.

“You _can_ kiss her now, you know,” said Charles, rolling his eyes at Phillip. 

He leaned in, kissing her briefly as her brother let out a disgusted snort. “Do you want to sit here?” He asked in a low voice.

“Sure.”

His arms wrapped around her waist and she helped him by jumping off the floor as he lifted her to sit on his lap. Now if only they could stay like this forever, and he’d never have to part from her again. She leaned her head lightly against his shoulder, her soft hair tickling his nose as he kissed the top of her head. 

“We found a couple of potential lots. But it’s going to take time to get back to normal. As in _months_ ,” he sighed, knowing this would be a disappointment for everyone, but it wouldn’t be fair to make promises they wouldn’t be able to keep. 

“We’ll act as fast as we can, though,” assured Barnum, looking around the room at all the people who were relying on them. _It still wouldn’t be fast enough._ They were going to have to go their separate ways for a while, which saddened him. 

Anne’s arm snaked around his neck as she moved to whisper in his ear. “What is it?” She asked.

“I hate that those people sort of got what they wanted, at least temporarily. And… I wish everyone could stay together.” He wished _they_ could stay together, at the very least. 

“I have too much experience when it comes to separations, so I guess I’m going to look at the bright side of things right now. There is a future for the circus, and you’re not dead,” she sighed. 

She was right, he was being childish. There was a heavy burden from her past that she carried, one filled with mistreatment and abuse, and loss. She was long used to steeling herself against those things, while he hadn’t reached that point yet. He wasn’t aware of all there was to Anne’s life before she and W.D. had arrived in the city, but perhaps she would eventually tell him. Anne knew better, and would surely fare better than he. 

The rest of the night was filled with some drinks, a lot of laughter, a few tears from Lettie and the twins- and some that Phillip himself stifled- but all too soon he watched W.D. stand up, stretch his arms above his head and head to the door. 

“Are you going with your brother?” He asked, watching W.D. pull his jacket on and shoot a questioning glance in their direction. The moment of their indefinite separation had come all too soon for him. 

“I- I wasn’t going to. I need to change your bandages, remember?” She reminded him, but there was something else in her gaze, a new sort of vulnerability. _She didn’t want to go._

“Ah, I do remember, and the promise was very generous of you, but… I think it’s better if I get it done at the hospital.”

“That woman was practically torturing you, you were in agony. Why can’t you let me do it?”

“Because of that, at least partly. You don’t have to be my nurse, and besides, we’d have to go back to my apartment for that, it’s already getting late and I don’t like the thought of you going back to that inn so late.”

“And when were you thinking of seeing me again?” She asked, frowning at him angrily.

“Soon… I hope. But I understand the circumstances, since we can’t pay any of you right now, and it seems both of us will be busy.”

“So you would be fine with not seeing me for two or three months?”

He was absolutely _not_ feeling fine about the prospect. “No, not fine, of course not, but I realize it’s a possibility at this moment.”

“But is it necessary?”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want to have this talk here, but I’m sick of life and other people coming between us. You nearly died and now you’re saying I won’t see you often, possibly not at all. I want to stay with you.”

He gasped in surprise, wondering if he’d heard her right. “Anne-“

“Do you want me to?” She asked, and he detested that tiny sliver of insecurity he detected in her. As if it was still even a remote possibility that he wouldn’t want her with him at all times.

“Of course, I- I want that more than anything else right now, but it’s not _right._ And I want to treat you right.” She was the finest lady he’d ever met and would be treated accordingly. 

“You’re the one who’s been telling me not to care what other people think is right, but _now_ you want to be proper?” she chuckled.

“That is an excellent point, but-“

“No buts. Unless you don’t want me-“

“I’m rather literally crazy about you. There’s nothing I won’t give you if it’s at all in my power to do it.”

“Does that mean you’re saying yes?”

“It does, but I want to stay on speaking terms with your brother.”

“W.D. can handle it. My home is where you are.”

“Even if the neighbors think you’re my maid?”

“I believe you promised to tell them the truth.”

He grinned at her. “I did, and I can’t wait to do that.”

“Then let’s go and you can introduce me to your matchmaking neighbor.” She took his hand and dragged him down from the stool, but they didn’t get far before bumping into her brother. 

***

“I’ll wait outside,” he suggested, nodding at W.D.

“This won’t take long,” she assured him. 

Her brother looked exasperated. “What are you doing, Anne?” 

“Look around you, W.D. Nobody here cares if I stay with Phillip, except you. I want this, and it’s not up to you to make choices for me,” she hissed.

“I’m not making choices for you. I don’t want people thinking you-“

“ _People?_ What people? The people out there who think I’m a disgrace even when I’m by myself, not to mention when I’m with him? You’re worried about my reputation? Don’t you think we’re a little beyond that by now?” She wasn’t planning on ever being with another man anyway, and all the people whose opinions mattered wouldn’t think ill of her. 

“You’re my little sister, I’d be a bad brother if I didn’t at least try to protect you.”

“You have to trust me. And Phillip, too.”

Her brother arched a brow. “Oh, I do trust you, and him too. Mostly. But he’s a man.”

She was growing both embarrassed as well as angry. “I’m not having this discussion with you. Unless you haven’t noticed, we don’t currently even have a home.”

It was possible that without W.D., she would’ve never even got the chance to find Phillip. For that she’d always be grateful to her brother, but it was time she lived _her_ life.

“There’s a perfectly decent bunk for you at the inn Barnum got us all in. But I don’t want to have this discussion, either. So go ahead, do whatever you want. I’ll stay on the sidelines and make sure nothing bad happens.”

“Thank you,” she sighed in relief before slipping out the door to find Phillip.

***

There were six sets of stairs from the ground floor to the door of his apartment. Three storeys. And climbing even one of them felt like a feat as they stood at the front door of the building.

“You look pale,” noted Anne, taking his arm.

“We’ll just need to climb slowly.”

A third of the way up and he was about to collapse, having to lean on the wall. 

“You overdid it today,” she accused him quietly, still laying a comforting hand on his back.

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, coughing.

“It’s a good thing I’m here, since you’re obviously going to require constant supervision. Can you keep going yet?”

“Yeah.” He grasped onto the railing with one arm, yelping when Anne threw the other one over her shoulders and pulled him along with her. “I can manage-”

“No, you can’t. And it’s okay, you can lean on me.”

They managed to get to the next floor without incident, but as he stopped to rest, one of the doors opened and Mrs. Zarkowski peered out. The old woman’s eyes widened when she took in the sight of him and Anne, her arm still around his waist.

“Good evening, Mrs. Zarkowski,” he greeted her pleasantly.

“Mr. Carlyle. What happened to you?” She asked, opening her door further, completely ignoring Anne’s presence.

“I don’t know if you read about the fire at Barnum’s Circus, but I inhaled some smoke there, it’s a long story. Anyway, I’d like you to meet Anne Wheeler. She’s the most talented acrobat in town and will hopefully someday agree to become Mrs. Carlyle,” he finished, giving both women a happy grin. Anne’s cheeks were bright red, but she was smiling regardless, while his neighbor’s mouth had fallen open. 

“So, in case you’re still thinking of setting me up with that granddaughter of yours, please do not go through the trouble.”

They were already turning to continue upstairs when Mrs. Zarkowski recovered from her initial shock and spoke. “I… Pleased to meet you, Miss Wheeler.”

“Pleasure to meet you as well, ma’am,” replied Anne automatically, shock evident in her expression.

Sometimes, but _only_ sometimes, people could surprise you for the better.

”You scared that old woman to death,” she remarked with a small laugh.   
  


Phillip shrugged. “I hope she doesn’t give you trouble.”   
  
“I think I can handle her. Come on, let’s get inside before you keel over.”

Inside his apartment, she forced him to the bedroom and then helped him remove his shirt.

“I’ll try to be quick,” she promised. 

The process of changing the dressings was painful for him, and it wasn’t how he wanted Anne to see him. He certainly wasn’t much to look at now because of all the burns, but he hoped one day Anne would like what she saw, maybe even find pleasure in him. 

***

Looking at the wounds made her hurt for him, but he barely winced while she unwrapped them, did the cleaning as the nurses had taught her and then wrapped them again, careful not to make them too tight. Once she was finished, she began to notice many _other_ things about him. Like how warm his skin felt underneath her fingertips, and how she wanted to run her nails down his lean abdomen. The thoughts made her blush, as she’d never been this close to a somewhat undressed man before. What she felt excited her, but it all felt safe, because it was _him._

To experiment with his reactions, she placed a kiss on his bare bicep, the one with no burns of course. Phillip gasped, so she continued, finding his collarbone with her lips. This time he moaned, but it wasn’t a sound of pain. There wasn’t nearly enough healthy skin for her taste and map, but she managed to touch all of it, while Phillip sat still like a statue, never seeming to be in a hurry to stop her. 

She’d never thought she’d find the courage to touch him like this, but it was _so very easy._ They claimed it was impossible to see the future, but she knew she would give herself to Phillip, and that it wouldn’t take nearly as long as would be appropriate. _Sweet Phillip,_ whose heart beat for her. For her, he had become a bare necessity. 

When she pushed down on his chest, he laid down on his back with only a quiet whine, which was replaced by sharp, quick breaths as she straddled him. 

***

Anne’s touch soon made him forget all about the pain of his burns. Instead he now felt like he was being tortured, slowly and deliberately, but if he was going to die, he would go a happy man. Then she pushed him back to lie on the bed and got on top of him, her legs on both sides of his hips, and he grew even more certain of his impending death. Never mind the fire and his burns, he was going to die of _this._ He wanted to touch her, but it seemed like a risky move. _If he wasn’t still so weak, would she be touching him like this?_

“Is this… All right?” She asked as she hovered over him, her lips grazing his neck.

“You can do anything you want to me,” he assured her, still afraid to touch her in return. He was surprised he was able to talk with Anne so close to him. 

“You did a very good deed today.”

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You could’ve held onto your money and not cared about us. But you’re not like that.” As she talked to him, she’d taken his hand and dragged it _up up_ under the hem of her dress, finally placing it on her upper thigh. "Which is why I love you."

“Anne,” he gasped, pain leaking into his voice.

***

Phillip’s pained expression made her freeze. _Oh God. She’d both hurt his burns and been too bold. What had she been thinking?_

”Sorry,” she mumbled, making an attempt to get off him, but his other palm shot to her hip to keep her in place.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m… Quite enjoying myself here.”

“You are?”

“You do things to me, my love,” he panted.

“Good things?”

“Yes, always good. However, I think in this case your teasing will be the death of me. I’m not strong enough.”

She chuckled. “Sure you are.” 

“I love that you’re here with me,” he admitted.  
They were together and safe and she wanted to stay with him. Even if they both would be busy soon enough, he could come home every day and close his arms around her as they slept.

Wrapping his fingers around her wrist, he dragged her down to lie flush on top of him and slanted his mouth on hers. He placed a hand on her back and parted her lips with his tongue, making her gasp. She responded eagerly, never allowing him to break the kiss. When they finally came up for air, she was breathing almost as hard as he was.

”You haven’t kissed me like that before,” she murmured, her eyes wide with want.

”Doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to. However, I think it’s time for me to get that rest you were talking about earlier,” he smirked, gently rolling her off of him. 

“You’re not being very fair here.”

“I was simply showing you how you make me feel,” he replied innocently.

She settled in the crook of his arm, making him sigh in happiness. To him, this was the definition of heaven. As soon as the shows started again, he’d begin saving again. This time it would be for them. She deserved more than a small apartment in a neighborhood she didn’t feel like she belonged in. 

Lying here in his own bed, with Anne curled up against his side, he was actually beginning to slowly feel halfway decent again. 

“Like I once told you, my father was white,” she said softly all of a sudden. 

He squeezed her in acknowledgement, but didn’t know how to respond to that, remembering how broken she’d been after spending an evening with a man who had apparently insulted her for her mixed heritage. 

“My mom loved him, and maybe he loved her, too, but he… When he found out she was pregnant with me, he left her, married a white girl. I guess I have white half-siblings somewhere out there, too. My mama’s heart was broken into pieces.”

Giving her another squeeze, he was glad she was telling him this. And yet he hoped she’d find enough faith in her heart to trust him. He couldn’t imagine walking out on Anne for any reason, much less for becoming pregnant. He hadn’t believed in anything at all since childhood, until the very day he saw Anne for the first time. That was when he had felt the touch of destiny, and suddenly everything had made sense, the answers to all his questions suddenly within reach.

“I know you’re not like that-“ She clarified.

“I’m not. You’re the center of my world, everyone else is ruined for me for life.”

He heard her giggle against his chest. “You're exaggerating.”

“Hardly.”

“You should go to sleep.”

“I will. Thanks for telling me about your father, I’m so sorry you and your family had to deal with that.”

“Hmmmm… I don’t like talking about the past much.”

“You don’t have to, but if you ever want to tell me, I’m here to listen.”

“And you’re a good listener.”

“Am I?”

“W.D. thinks it has to be because Barnum talks so much you don’t even get to open your mouth.”

Phillip chuckled. “He does, does he? And what do you think?”

“I think you have a good heart, a heart with space for others and their concerns.”

Tipping her chin up, he kissed her soundly. She was too good for him and all of this was too good to be true. 

”You give me too much credit, but that’s what I want to be.”

Anne shifted in his arms until she could kiss him. It was slow and gentle and not even close to how he’d kissed her only minutes before, but it was perfect. “I love you, Anne.”

”I love you, too. Is it all right if I sleep here with you?”

”Where else were you thinking about going?”

”The sofa.”

”Obviously I would be the one going there, considering that I am a gentleman. Or at least trying very hard to be one.”

”You’re also a patient, barely out of the hospital, and I just hauled you upstairs.”

”Point taken. You can sleep here with me if you want to.”

”Good, then I’m not about to move until morning.”

He smiled to himself, before deciding to ask her something. ”That’s good. Will you give me another chance to take you out soon?”

”What did you have in mind?”

”I’ll take you to the theater again if it’s what you want.”

Drawing in a deep breath, she considered his suggestion for so long that he wondered if she’d fallen asleep. 

“I think I’d like that,” she eventually answered. 

”Then it’s settled. No running away though, please.”

”I’m not going anywhere unless you are.”

”I’ll be too busy giving you the best evening of your life.”

Anne laughed. He knew going out together in public made her nervous, especially since there was a risk they would run into someone who knew his parents. It made him anxious too, mostly because he didn’t want her to have to go through that again. If they wanted to gossip about him, they could go right ahead, but she was off limits to those narrow-minded snobs. However, she was too intrigued by the theater for not to try to give her that experience, because she deserved the world. 

He would be proud to stand beside her against the world for the rest of their lives if that was what it took, but he counted on their friends, her brother and the Barnum’s. They wouldn’t have to face it all alone. 


End file.
